I would like to take this moment to talk about
my favorite type of can--the round can.
The round can has kept me company through the course of many lonely days. In round cans, I have stored many things, including pickles, lightning bugs, human brains, pickles, cotton swabs, twigs, pickles, lightning bugs, pickles, and that is it, I think. Yes, above all cans is the can that is round.
Roundness has always been my favorite type of -ness. Thickness, craziness, saltiness, and stickiness are all types of -nesses which are significantly inferior to roundness. Without roundness, we would not have many excellent things, such as the skull, the earring, the wagon-wheel, and the pinwheel and the donut and the round spoon. What would we do without these things? Well, I don't know. That is why I am asking. What would we do? Without. These. Things. What?
Okay. Now, on a more important subject, I would like to address the special significance of the round can among the pantheon of round objects. The round CAN, unlike other round things, is unCANNILY (you see, that includes the word "can", which is a sort of funny thing I did there, you see) suited for rolling on the ground and making people trip. I like to make people trip because it allows me to shake them out of their stupor.
I know the last time someone tripped me, I immediately realized the meaning of life. Before they tripped me, I was walking along staring blankly and thinking about round cans.
Hello! What was I talking about? Ah. Yes. Do you know how they make round cans? They all start out as square cans. But they saw off the corners. And do you know what they do with the corners?
Let's be serious for a moment here. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DO WITH THE CORNERS?!
HAVE YOU EVER STOPPED, and SAID, "OKAY! I am really gonna sit down now and I am really gonna think, I am gonna think--Self! Let's think! Now! Let's think about what they do with the corners". Have you done that? I've done it. And I found out all about the corners. You have to really think. To know. About. Corners.
Now, let me tell you what they do. They TAKE the corners--and they REMOVE the corners--and they PUT the corners together, and DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY MAKE WITH THE CORNERS?!?!?!?!?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY MAKE?!?!?!?!?!
NOTHING! They make nothing with the corners. No more corners. They say goodbye to the corners. "Goodbye, corners!" they say, and they throw away the corners.
So if you ever come across a corner, think to yourself, this corner, and three of its brothers, died to make a round can.
A round can.
Okay, I'm done.
--->Arne Gustaf Swanberg
A Prophet Among Men.