A local farmer and father of
three, Keenan Domhnaill, has made an unfortunate discovery
as pertaining to the course of his life since the
forty-six-year-old's unremarkable conception.
"I've felt my life has been missing something
ever since I inherited my father's farm. Some bit
of oomph that truly makes life what it is; that added
flavor, that unexpected drama and heartrending tragedy,
that comic relief that comes from the touching interplay
of family and their struggles through this crazy old
world," stated Domhnaill with what may or may
not have been sincerely dramatic and touching emotion.
"My life has been sorely lacking in the one thing
that could at least fabricate a distant sense of these
things--a maudlin musical score".
Domhnaill, whose birth was less than miraculous, whose
completion of his schooling less than outstanding,
and whose wedding was less than a blessed and joyful
event, is attributed by the man himself and his entire
family to be entirely due to the lack of fitting musical
accompaniment to set the mood of these landmark events.
Due to the drastic lack in this much-needed modification
to Domhnaill's life, many of the events which were
supposed to be important tragicomic turning points
are but faded, insignificant memories along an aimless
path that is generally bland and uninteresting.
"When my first child was born and my wife nearly
died from the strain of labor, no pianist played as
I sat in my room, wracked with grief and worry. Heck,
I couldn't even decide what I was supposed to be feeling,
so it sure would've helped if some music would have
set the mood for me", elaborated the farmer.
"When my beloved hunting dog Ripper died, and
I dug its grave with my own bare hands in the pouring
rain, no melancholy violin accompanied me in my tribulations.
Is this truly, then, a life? Has it not lost something
due to its lack of a musical score? Is my human suffering
and seemingly pointless struggle not worthy of being
accented by, say, a theme ballad with some syrupy
lyrics? Come on! I'm dying here! And it's not even
Domhnaill's cries for musical recognition have not
fallen on deaf ears. A number of traveling bards looking
for work have jumped on the opportunity to follow
the farmer around and compose soundtracks to delineate
the mundane events of his ridiculously simplistic
and utterly insignificant and in fact morbidly pathetic
Among the first additions to the library of songs in honor
of the mileposts of Domhnaill's life are "The Shower
Theme", a slow melody that simulates the trickling
of water for when Domhnaill takes a bath; "Kids Will
Be Kids", a whimsical banjo ditty to create a greater
sense of the amusing shenanigans undertaken by Domhnaill's
three children; and "Winds of Change", a woodwind
melody that captures life as a whole, an overture that
is a tribute to the little events that make up the romantic,
domestic, day-to-day struggles of the common man, and
how they fit into a greater scheme, in which birth, death,
marriage, and the spectrum of emotion combine to form
a mesh of something or other which is all very dramatic
and engaging and contains a message of hope.
Some of Domhnaill's neighbors have risen up in anger
against the farmer's self-centered demands. "If
he's gonna have music, why can't I?!" said a
horse-breeder from a pasture near Domhnaill's. "Why,
my hoss jes' had a brood o' calves last week, and
if that ain't a life miracle or some junk like that,
then I don't know what is! I reckon I need to hire
me some bards myself!"
"Domhnaill's always been an uppity old coon. Thinks
he needs music to make his days worth somethin'",
added an adjacent neighbor scornfully. "It ain't
music he needs, naw, we can all get by without music.
What he needs is a stiff whack to the head wit' one
o' my plows--now that'll be music to MY ears, at least".
--->Arne Gustaf Swanberg
Skalm av Suomi