| Does This Milk Look Stale to You?
By Aleksandra Karras, Undine housewife
I have been looking at this milk for the past
few minutes now, and I have a vague suspicion that there is something
wrong with this milk. I know, I know, I've been saying that about
almost every dairy product in the house since the baby contracted
his bowel disorder, but this time, I really think there's cause for
alarm. If you look very closely at this milk, you will definitely
notice some crazy things going on right here near the top layer.
If you tilt your head sideways like so-no, no, to the left-and hold the jar up to the light, and kind of swish it around a little, I am convinced that you will understand the cause of my concern regarding the freshness of this milk. I think it would be prudent to inspect this milk with the utmost attention, because certainly we would not want a repeat of the last time that I used spoiled milk to make breaded sheep-brains and all the males in the family died. I don't know what that was about, but my mother, Danu bless her heart, always used to say, "Child, you can never be too careful when checking dairy products for deficiencies". Wise woman, my mother was, and I done always listened to her advices.
And you should too, because I know that the children have been playing around in the barn lately, and you know how the cows get nervous when children are around. Next thing we know, they'll be giving us yellow milk with big old chunks of Deoch knows what floating around in it, and let me tell you, the last time that happened, it wasn't pretty. I slave away taking care of the cows, and that does constitute a large part of my work around here, but I'm only mundane, you know.
Oh, by all the gods, right now, look right now, there's a skin forming on the top! I didn't even boil it yet! Aha! AHA! I told you there was something wrong with the milk! I told you! Next time, you listen to me when I tell you to look at the milk and see if it's fit for a family of 29 like ourselves. I know you think I'm just a silly old woman, but I know what I'm doing! I know, because I know all about milk! What's that? You want me to try drinking it? What are you, batty?
You drink it. I'm not drinking it.