A revised guide to politics
Some time ago, maybe a Deoch
or two, I posted a guide on getting started into the political world.
But I feel that guide was incomplete. Plus, it was removed as being
offensive 10 minutes after I walked away.
An aisling enters this world as a citizen of the
fair city of Mileth. It's no secret that aislings love to repay this
debt to Mileth by entering it's service as a guard or a demagogue. But
to do this, they must first earn the respect of Mileth.
How is this done? Why, very simple. You stand outside
and say "VOT DETHSLAYERX 4 MILATH GARUD!!but 1st i have 2 b
a rc so vote 4 that k tnx". But doing this is so time consuming,
and would require distraction from other important things, such as raping
passersby. So be sure to harass all your friends into voting for you.
Should they do anything silly, like refuse, accuse them of being a poor
friend and not giving you the support you need to pursue a career in
Be sure to take advantage of any insight difference
there happens to be. If they are lower than you, call them a "stupid
new-b who doesnot kno what is good 4 milath." If they are a
higher insight than yourself, accuse them of being a cold, heartless
high insight who thinks he's better than everyone else just because
he's killed a few more monsters than you. All political support can
weaseled gained from your friends *scratches out the last
three words* in this fashion.
Next, you must advance to the position of guard,
or demagogue, depending on your interest. Given that guards have "kewl
armar" that'd look really chic when you're hunting, I suggest
you follow that path. Plus, you get to banish people you don't like.
There is the unfortunate prospect that you do not
have friends who can get you into office. Therefore, you must at least
understand the basics of campaigning.
One should always approach a campaign offering something
new, a fresh perspective on the political world. People will adore the
idea of someone wanting change in Mileth, because the gods know we need
even more opinions on how things should go. After all, the reason we
have next to no organization must stem from a unified opinion that the
entire community should be split into a billion separate quarreling
You will no doubt be the one deciding force who overcomes
all adversity and hardship to unite Mileth. Be sure to stress the fact
that you are the One who can bring change to Mileth, who can unite every
guard and demagogue, stamp out corruption, and make our streets safe
After your brilliant speech stressing how different
you are, how strong you are, remember that you have no obligation to
hold your promises to those who got you in office. Their services won't
be required for a double-moon or so. You can start to make good on your
promises then, right?
Always remember the politician's mantra:
"I am right. You are wrong. There is no way I could be wrong.
I'm me. You're gay."
--Wuhao Iosef Mythrin