Mundane Gazette  
Issues Online
 
Issue 8 Issue 9      
   
Issue 5 | ((April 4th 2002)) | As reported by Shilentha  
  News In Brief
The C.C.C matter:
MILETH We are here live at the Mileth townhall, were another unnamed official was removed for alleged power abuse. The suspected official was removed for a large chocolate chip cookies embezzlement. He was demoted, removed, frisked and locked within a 26 persons cell, with other criminals.
When the ex-official was asked what happened he said: 'Well simply this is power abuse, harassment and slander! I mean, I desire power over all cookies in the world, creating a true C.C.C (chocolate chip cookies) Emporium! Why o why... mommy please help me, he is hurting me aaaahhh *cried*' while he was being drawn from the bars back to the rest of shady murderers, thugs and other scum. When asked about these matters the public relations officials said: 'Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.'


Monsters raid small village:
TEMUAIR Monsters have attacked small villages in the north east of Temuair. These regions unable to travel have possible already been destroyed deochs ago, but news travel slow. Word has it that hordes of monsters raided the village and murdered all its inhabitants. The village was left in ruin and scarred by a huge pentagram sign in the towns square. When the king was questioned about the serious matter he simply stated: 'Mommy, o mommy, where is my blankey, make the mean man go away, o boohoo'.

Jester sells hammers now:
MILETH The lunatic jester gives now a hammer, instead the strange cat, bat and clown suits. These are free and given away in Mileth inn. Many believe he causes the Astrid menace as the kobold wacker angered Arpina, savior of kobolds. The hammer making strange sparkles is seen throughout the lands. A gift from a happy man, or a teaser to be taken away again?

Kedian's Temuair Clock

 

  Top Story
Social Studies


The grim barber in action  
Mad barber attacks Aislings:
TEMUAIR Wounds on heads, ears and cheeks
as the mad barber strikes swiftly with leaps.
Wielding his Hybrasil scissors and comb,
he wanders cities preying on the hairy and dumb.
When spotting his prey wandering about,
a battle scream is yelled o so loud.
To the heart it is to much to bear.
Causing chaos, Mayhem and fear.
A hollow laugh and snip snap there,
once a proud head, lost of all its hair.
Aislings run and mundanes follow
and the tyranny makes everyone hollow.
For no one dares to challenge the barber so mad,
for those who did, wished they died in bed.
Many seen the victims he met,
crying in terror, a scissors in the head.
So as you walk watch then your way,
as there is a barber, which can end your day.

Top News
Earthquake turns out to be surprise:

Eduardo suspected of altering minds

Odds and Ends
Hubae strike, demanding less abuse and more attention

Goats luck

Sales Pages

Earthquake turns out to be surprise:
MEHADI A large earthquake rocked the world of mundanes. A large investigation was met and the source couldn't be verified. It took 70 alchemists, wizards and priests to pinpoint the location. Its center was located somewhere in Mehadi swamp. After a squad of magic users and brave warrior investigated it turned out to be merely 'swamp gas' exploding by contact with air. It is believed to be old pockets of gas left by Chadul 137 course diner adventurers. Dinners included: dark onions, garlic, mystic sauce, spicy tomatoes and other dark junk, which is consumed by foul beasts from the underworld

Eduardo suspected of altering minds:
MILETH Eduardo, the burgess of Mileth has been suspected of brainwashing Aislings of precious time spent. Many Aislings felt abused in ways too warped to explain. Man: 'I feel so strange, like my mind was zapped and turned into a turkey' Woman: 'Oh, So many hands, so many hands... oops excuse me I was daydreaming' Courtesan: 'What and he didn't even give many gold pieces! Ha, he always wants to take free rides. Official: 'Frankly my dear, I don't give a dam... Didn't I tell you this before? Did we meet before? Who am I, what am I, Mommy..'
The sign of Astrid had to do with it all, cause all affected where somehow near there located. Loures promises investigation, when the King is reunited with his blankey.


Hubae strike, demanding less abuse and more attention:
A massive call for a reduction of hubae is demanded. It is believed that hubae are merely there for financial benefits. Many hubae feel abused, mentally and physically by their teachers. Merely being trained, taught till white or green dugon, then simply murdered off in a back alley by them. Some even claim that sexual abuse is happening, which is mainly denied.

Goats luck:
When several mundanes were asked what they prefer in funds, they stated: 'Goats are better then pigs'. A Loures investigation turned out that people believe goats live longer, are more intelligent and cheaper to maintain. Also was claimed that being kicked in the head by a goat gave good fortune and prosperity. After this new investigation, mundanes lined up for being kicked in the head for a piece of fortune and fame.

*Chump* *Chump*;
*Chump* *Chump* Food is better at the hump! Food is better at the hump!! So come and at ye local hump and abandon your old tavern dump! *Soon to be replacing your local tavern*
Seeking attractive young woman
Seeking attractive young woman, preferred to be alive as dead wasn't so successful. Also needing to be somewhat human this time, goblins just won't do. So ladies, report at Kazre 17:00, for some 'inspection'
Selling:
Selling REAL LIFE, HERESY and SPAM. Harry the Heretic Hound.
Ye ol' barber shop:
you got hair, soon it won't be there. *Snip* *Snap* yes *SNIP* *SNAP* Muhahaha *SNIP* heheehe... *Coughs* excuse me, we have reasonable rates and years of expertise.
Young priest(esse)s seek handsome, strong men and beautiful, sexy women
Information at the temple of love for all your desires. Near Mileth entrance, side entrance of the large Temple there.
© Copyright 2001-2003 Mundane Gazette., All rights reserved.  
Newspaper Layout Inspiration © The Onion 2001