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Issue 6 | ((July 6th 2002)) | As reported by Shilentha  
  News In Brief
Dentist marveled at the use of creag:
ABEL A dentist in downtown Abel has been experimenting the use of creag in dental hygiene. Instead of pulling teeth with the regular pliers, he been using a creag spell to root out rotten teeth. We had a word with the miracle dentist.
Dentist: 'It works marvelous. I just shook the rotten tooth right out of the patient mouth. I know he felt uneasy at start but look at him sitting there now. Peacefully and content knowing that the rotten tooth is gone.'
Me: 'Uhm... he isn't breathing and I think his neck is broken...'
Dentist: 'Nah, he is just resting, just resting. So can I help you? Are all of your teeth in order, little lady?
Me: '....help'


Strike, you're out:
TEMUAIR A ballgame led to chaos and mayhem as the supporters started clashing into each other. Many bruisedd and bleeding where led off the fightscene when the Piet Dwellers won with 65-43 from the Undine Slaughters. Several aislings running in, practicing their spells and skills on the crowd, didn't make matters better. Guts, brains and blood spread over the square where once a harmless life or death ball game was going. Members of both teams died during the ballgame.

Jumping:
TEMUAIR Jumping in small roofed houses tends to create headaches. Jake proved this by jumping in various house all over Temuair. He noticed that in the one with low roofs he got headaches earlier then the one with high roofs. "Except one Loures castle, when I jumped there. I felt a splitting pain on my skull and went unconsious", found himself later head down in the moat. Still it was a lucky day, as he had proven his theory, that low roofed houses make poor jumping quarters.

Water burning :
TEMUAIR Water has been spotted burning in various ponds and streams. People are advised not to drink the water or be prepared to become a living srad-peeing problem child. Loures asks people to be patient while the king ponders of a plan. (it is nappy time and he did find his blankey).

Mundane Words

Traitors:
by Jacob the healer
'Red give me a Red! I need a red bad, help!' These are words spoken by little mostly rogues from early insight. These little heathens run around claiming that a red is to be given in their hand. In their hand... like we have nothing else to do.. It is a conspiracy, I say! The wish to control the entire red potion market... Little cute looking rogue boys in their little cute looking dwarven suits... Their lederhosen, it must be a conspiracy from the mountainmen! They wish to crash the economy by buying up all the reds! Someone call the guard, Ranger, the cavalry... no wait skip the last one they are either too late or drowned in the marshlands.. or they drown on purpose.. a conspiracy on their part! everywhere, they are the traitors everywhere.


The old days:
By old Brian.
Well slap me silly and call me Sally. There they are again, those little drips falling down the ceiling. We really should be fixing the roof and I am not going up there. You got up there, your life is cheap and expendable. You just go to sgrios, smile at his cracked head and he lets you go with a scratch on your ass. *gurgle* Then you run to Glioca temple and yell: "!Please remove my scar" till some retarded Glioca priestess does it. They do anything to get the word thank you, anything. A young man like you can have a mighty good time having those. *drool*
*coughs* But the roof it is still leaking so get your ass up there and fix it. I remember in my young years climbing on roofs and peeking at the ladies in the orchard. *sniff* Hehehe, yup the good ol' days when life was slow and the women easy. Now life is easy and the women slow, like making love takes longer then 4 minutes. they became too demanding they are for my taste. The old days... *zzzz*


Kedian's Temuair Clock

 

  Top Story
Social Studies


Peasant at Mileth altar  
Man beaten by little girl:
MILETH A man has been beaten up by a four-year-old in the Mileth Square. Guard stood by amazed seeing the little four year old beat the crap out of the dark-masked aisling. She kept slammed the tiny branch on his head until he died a slow, horribly painfull death. We spoke with some people:
Harry: 'Well it was quite fun to watch. I know I am a guard but still, I am a mundane guard and that means I am here to protect mundanes. I really enjoyed when he cried when she rammed that little stick into the area of reproduction. I believe he will only be able to get daughters from now on, he.
Unknown aisling: 'What? this is normal man gets nekkid and stand before the altar while peasant beat the crap out of him. It is a sport, a ritual of valour... I got beaten by a little boy yesterday and loved it.
'

Mundane Words, ctd.
The Dirk:

Men/Women Corner

The Dirk :
by Dirk the Shadow Assasin.
Ah, there is not a more neglected weapon than the dirk. Still people should know of its long history of bravery. Better then a stick and an eppé it swings with might and is easily concealed. I mean try slaying your enemy in a public bar with a kindjal. I mean I sees you coming and you swing killing 5 or 6 innocent bystanders. Nah use a dirk and stab him in the back, poison the blade for better effect. Yup, the dirk is the weapon of choice for me. Well if you are a rogue you got a whole range of those weapons. like snow, blossom and curved daggers. A bit longer but much more effective.
I mean who hasn't killed his father or mother with a dirk or dagger? I know I certainly have. So you should glorify the dirk for its use of getting rid of pests like bad in-laws. Nobody hates it more then me when my mother-in-law comes to stay. So she complains and I go like *slit* and voila no mother-in-law, and if my wife complains she is next, and if the kids do then they are next. Yes my family loves me, they really do, I give my wife flowers everyday. I can always find her.. hmm I mean who can't find their local graveyard ha!

.. mundanes are weird.

Innkeeper: 'Beer is a better drink then ale.
Why you ask from beer you can drink more and why are you drinking? No not for the taste or fun but for the ability to pee in large quantities. What do you say, drink water...? You heretic! people have been branded, raped and burned for less. No you have to drink and then pee, it is more fun that way. Stand on the bridge and pee over the ledge into the water... What? People drink from those waters? I do not care, go away, they should drink beer anyway, those heretics.

Lieutenant: 'Using cows as horses makes a poor quality cavalry
The are too slow and also they make too much noise. Still they do give free milk and a good time of sexua.. pleas.. *coughs* nice weather huh?'

A Loures lord: Spanking yourself or others, is good for the blooflow
Thorough testing has concluded this. Only those counts for attractive young women. Children can still be best either locked in wells or launched by catapult or Ballistae as punishment.

Soldier: 'Murder is a crime...
but when you slain some moron from Undine, it is duty. Crap with all that "I feel guilty for slaying Undine" townscum. We were till our waist in blood and sadly it was only a village else we would've gone as deep as needing to build rafts, to flow the red river. Those knights in that sobby letter-quest are merely trying to impress their wifes, while they are out in the far west, drunk and surrounded by hookers. Life is good back west we worship pagean gods and sacrifice unborn children... What are you talking about? Chadul is merely trying to save the world from those dreaded tree-huggers.

Little girl: 'I bought a boquet of flowers for mommy
It cost me a lot of coins but she was happy, still I am only six years old and already peasants are making advances on me. They looks dorky and wear all the same clothes, an ugly green shirt with disgusting black pants. Still, mommy was happy, and dorks will be dorks, I guess.

Woman: 'Does this milk look stale to....
no that isn't it. I wanted to talk about this love letter from my husband George. He says he loves me and... can't come back cause of Undine matt.. What, Henry? No he died in combat.. No John died in the last war... he died too... yes and he... What you call me a bigamist? I married not all of them at once, there was a space of a tleast a month between each of them. Oh, bigamy is being married to them all at once? I didn't know that, it doesn't matter anyway they are all dead. *Sighs* I seem to have that effect on men. Anyway: Attractive young widow offers herself to handsome galant knight in marriage. Please send portrait and financial status review, signed with a professional Bank's seal of wealth.

Old hag: 'He loverboys
*winks* Want sum good ol' time? I can make you feel real good, teehehe. I just luv you aisling boys with your chubby tummies and tight little behinds. I might be old and rinkly but I got experience. So I love a mail. *Old geezers home room 56*

 

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