|| News In Brief
gets cut but board remains:
PRAVAT CAVE — Today a new thing happened. Everyone
aware of the block ups in Pravat would now notice that the tree
has been cut there. Still the board causing most blockage remains.
Instead of moving a simple board like 5 yards more to the north
or east, a tree got pillaged. Many sad birds, squirrels and
dogs cried as their favourite tree was destroyed. Kobold declare
war on the mundane for destroying national treasure of kobold
Goblins interbreed with orcs
LOURES — Rumours have it that orcs are interbreeding
with goblins. These so called Ogrilons have heightened speed,
intellect and strength. We have seen huge goblins in the battlefield
but these new breeds are said to be more lethal! Having all
the best aspects of both orc and goblin blood, they are feared
warriors, with only one disadvantage. They are insane and kill
everything on their side...
Monk wiggles ear of terror:
EAST WASTELAND — An unnamed
monk has horrified a large number of people by wiggling his
ears in the wasteland in broad daylight. Countless people screamed
in terror as the ears moved slightly up and down in rapid succession.
The monk was immediately arrested by rangers and locked up in
Loures dungeon. The monk, pleading that he was merely was doing
a cat's hearing, was then specially charged with cruelty to
animals and instilling thoughts of evil.
We had a talk with some of the people involved. Mundane man:
“It was horrible he went like arggh.. and in the middle of us
all, we... the horror the horror. Mommy, please hug me and make
the bad man go away.”
East Woodlands beggar: “Well, I always thought he was a weird
fellow but when he suspiciously walked to the wasteland and
started doing his demonic deeds I knew I had to call the law.
Damn those heretics, daring to making the sign of the Evil Ear.”
Ranger: “Well, it is simple that he was standing still and softly
wiggling his ears. I believe this was a case of sleep-wiggling
and he was arrested. See the charge that he also pulled ears
from cats is not my case, but of my captain. He specialises
in dealing with animal cruelty cases.”
Breakthrough in Philosophy:
TEMUAIR — After many
deochs of thinking and back-breaking discussion it has finally
been proven: If you look at the left you cannot see the right
side... So if you hear to the left you cannot hear the right!
Scholars marvel at this new concept which could hurtle them
from the dark age into the age of glory and prosperity. When
questioned about a certain cat’s hearing, which allows
the user to hear around him, it was claimed that demonic deeds
should not used be used and that, if god wanted us to have ears
like a cat, he would've made us live in one big litter box and
we would be eating small birds and mice.
|| Top Story
Fashion and Fame.
MEDENIA — Now
the boundaries have been broken and we all sail for Medinia
we might have questions about the people there. They look tall,
overly colourful and starved. They claim it is the fault of
bad harvests, malnutrition and monster raids, but we all know
better. They wish to become the first group of supermodels!
The thinner the better and this is a grand new fashion statement.
See, Law invented this to cut down cost
of feeding the people. A few gold coins spared buys an extra
piece of rope for the catapult or some extra iron for a shield
or sword. Also this tactic makes Law think Aislings - as stupid
as they are - will follow this idea and starve themselves to
a near-death state for beauty and attraction! Another plot of
doom exposed by the Mundane Gazette.
Rucesion demands Mileth Cabbage.
MEDENIA — Many young female summoners and bards
have been looked at in an odd manner. Their new garbs show signs
of pregnancy. Especially the Bell Skirt of the bard shows much
of this. When questioning about this behaviour we have had several
Bard: “Well, now you know where children come from. They are
bought with pieces of clothing at the shop.”
Mundane:” I think this is horrible, what’s next - them breast
feeding children in public?!!”
Gladiator: “Duh... I thought children were born from the cabbage?”
Loures is promising action, by sending inspectors to close-body
'investigate' the concerned female Aislings for evidence.
Rucesion demands Mileth Cabbage.
RUCESION/MILETH — Rucesion
officials have soured relations with Mileth demanding free cabbage
for all. Milethians normally exporting cabbage to the Rucesionaire
have replied that a boycott was announced last evening at Abel
It seems both mayors from the towns were cussing and screaming
hell and brimstone over the grandest scandal since Billy Bob's
Bean bag bribery (We all know when Billy Bob bribed all the
officials of both towns by giving bean bags for personal favours).
Rucesion officials have refused to answer inquiries on the boycott
and claim: 'We will prevail and cabbage shall flow freely"'.
After his grand tales containing the glorious hits: "If
tomorrow comes and you are here, go out and get me a beer."
"I might be drunk and smelly but my love is strong and clean."
And of course everyone’s favourite: "Lets go out and do
it like monkeys do..."
He has published another masterpiece! Read his latest and sing
more songs of the bard we all love. This latest version features
more exciting songs like: "My love is like a Cabbage, green
but tastes good" or "My heart is aching but I'm still
shaking." or this master piece "I didn't know she was
your wife; staying alive, staying alive."
Get them now and get yours free only here, to get Edward
the bard "real crafted lute" This genuine Lute is free
with the scrolls of songs! Order now and get an extra song:
"We all want to be free, lets have anarchy" Extra free
of charge! ORDER NOW and the second is 50% off!!! 50%! Sale
prices negotiable. *Legal Ancient World* enterprises.
Would all monks or previous monks please
report to their local skill master involving Cat's hearing syndrome.
Here they will be relieved of this skill or else better be prepared
to face the justice of god.
I trade my beans for your cabbage - 10 beans for the price of
1 cabbage, Billy Bob.
For all your home repairs call Sparrow, the
nail. If you have a leaking sink or a rotten barrel, I can fix,
repair or replace anything for a minor fee. Messages best by
left at Tagor inn, Sparrow Inc.
If you want to have a good time and you
just love to mime during a rhyme? Festers is the place to be,
we can teach you to be a rhyming mime in no time! ('Accidents
due to mimes being beaten, broken and liquidated, will not be
held responsible and therefore will not be compensated in any